I couldn’t sleep on my last flight and in observing the people around me, I suddenly starting thinking about the things I can’t/don’t/won’t do on a flight. I love being on a plane (well except for turbulence, who enjoys that part?), I consider it my quality time with myself. Whilst penning my thoughts I couldn’t help but laugh at myself remembering some of these moments. Thought I would share it, there is a freak in all of us and this is ME!
So here are the ten things I can’t do on a flight:
(1) READ A BOOK!
I love to read, but on a plane? Gosh I really suck at that. A couple magazines? Sure! The airline magazine? Most definitely! But an actual novel? I’m suddenly allergic to reading. When I did long haul flights from Australia to Trinidad I would buy some awesome novels to entertain myself on the numerous flights home and back. I would read two pages tops! My Mom would read them all whilst I was home but me? I’d haul them all the way back to Melbourne and then settle in to read them. One would think by now I would admit it is a waste of carryon space but I still carry a book with me (many bought in the airport itself!)…just in case the urge takes me!
(2) DRINK ALCOHOL!
Even if it would help to knock out and maximise sleep on a business trip I would not drink any! There are sleeping pills for that. I still remember fondly the little old ladies who drank Bloody Marys for the entire flight from LA to Melbourne. It was 15 hours of “its five o’clock somewhere” for them. They almost fought with the flight attendants, even the captain had to be called back to talk to them…yes little old ladies caused my young decision to hydrate only with water and preferably Canada Dry Ginger Ale. And why do all airlines not carry ginger ale? Well that’s another story.
(3) USE THE BATHROOM AFTER HALFWAY DURING A FLIGHT!
Have you ever smelled some of them on long haul flights in economy? I won’t call which airlines specifically but Phew! Ok First/Business class are abit better but not everyone has that privilege all the time! Yes drink all you want up front and go as frequently is what I do. Then let everyone else who just waking up from their naps start using and stinking it up.
(4) SIT IN AN AISLE SEAT!
If I ever have no choice but an aisle, watch me be a real sourpuss. Give me my window, no matter which class I fly! I want to be “One” with the sky and universe, my “watch the sun set or rise” time, my “wow God this is so cool” time, my “hey that cloud looks like Mickey Mouse” time. And most importantly no one to bump into me whilst walking down the aisle or have their head lean on me while they sleep.
(5) DO WORK ON A FLIGHT!
Gosh that just seems wrong in my opinion. Movies, music, SLEEP who wants to do work even if travelling for business? Plane time is my alone time, why ruin it with work? I don’t mind doing work 24hrs but leave my travel time alone…planes, trains, anyhow. Although I admit a few times I had to do work and a couple times I whipped out the laptop and pretended to do work so the older men around me wouldn’t think I am a rich little spoilt girl and really was on a business trip too like them! Hmmm…now I wonder why I did that…hmm.
(6) SIT NEXT TO MY BOSS!
I mean SERIOUSLY?? I am still traumatised from the first trip we did and just HAD to sit all together in a row. I’m traumatised knowing he snores and how dishevelled he looks when he sleeps with scattered papers on him. Whatever happened to company policy the team should not travel together in case we all die? What’s worse…forced to do work the ENTIRE flight (note #5)!! Do you know what a strain it is with one eye on his laptop and one on Daniel Craig on the screen obliquely in front of us? Thank you Emirates for 17″ screens in Business class!
(7) ASK FOR HELP TO PUT LUGGAGE IN OVERHEAD COMPARTMENT!
It amuses me how some women pack a shitload and play all weak when it’s time to put it up, suddenly looking around for male assistance. Surely they lugged it all the way from home, they have the strength to put their shit up! Ok for the elderly yes it’s understandable, but able young people? If you can’t lift it, don’t pack it so heavy is my philosophy. I’m not a hater nor extreme feminist, just don’t understand that bit of logic.
(8) WEAR HEELS AND DRESS TO KILL!
An airplane is like my second home, I want to be as comfortable as possible, especially on long haul flights. Those women in stilettos…God bless them on the long trek to immigration in airports like Miami and Heathrow for example. I am always amused by people who also take pjs and change as the flight takes off and change back before they land. Trying to pee in that little 2×4 of a bathroom is hard enough. Change? Ok…I tried it one and never again, that’s all I am going to say.
(9) USE ONE OF THOSE NECK PILLOW THINGY!
Kudos to the people that it serves well but for me…muy uncomfortable! I like the top of my head to touch somewhere (hence my need of a window seat), even a hard straight back Air France seat clearly made for skinny people only! It must run in the family, I bought a green frog one for my little niece; couple uses and she added it to her stuffed toy collection.
(10) STRIKE UP A CONVERSATION WITH THE PERSON NEXT TO ME!
And I have had many talkers who I SWEAR felt I was their free inflight therapist from the moment they sat down. All I want to do is put my music on and relax please people! But clearly my usual “do not disturb” look wasn’t applicable and ignored by many. Maybe it’s the Aquarian in me?
Anyone have any others to add about themselves?